Allie is 5 YES! 5 months old now! I can't believe it either. Since the move she has rolled over front to back and vice versa, sitting up on her own without a support, eating baby foods and is getting bigger everyday. The new house is great. We can now put here to bed and close the door without worrying if she's going to be too cold (its december). Being back to work is harder than I thought but we are making it work. Well we kinda have to if we want the money to support her. But we have come to terms that we definitely have an awesome child. She even goes to sleep on her own if we put her to bed all on her own without a bottle.
I don't know how much more proud I could be of her.
Myself on the other hand? I don't know if its self eaten issues surfacing after so many years of tackling my problems, or an onset of post pardum. But my mom and I went to the mall tonight just to do something and I had a little extra christmas doing I could do so we went and stopped at one of my new found favorite stores. Tried leggings for the first time and just as I thought they don't look half bad after months of feeling my sagging disgusting stomach and back fat along with that front pouch people get when they are really overweight to be nice. And to say the least I wasn't the skinniest girl before I got pregnant but I looked okay. Anyways, as I walked out
Of the fitting room with what I thought was a cute outfit for christmas on, my mom says-while waving her hands in the shape of a woman's silhouette-'you can see all of your.. Ya know'. Now mind you to go back a few sentences, I already knew I wasn't in my best shape. I knew I didn't look a good as most girls, but for the 2 minutes I was in that fitting room alone I had some of my pride back. After she said that I had a full bowen anxiety attack. Through the mall and everything, bawling my eyes out walking back to what I thought would end up being the car ended up being a phone call to my fiancé. Whizzy didn't help me at all. He just reassured me that i was well large and in charge if you get my drift. So coming home hearing that he doesn't care what I looked like didn't make it any better. I don't like being the way I am and there is nothing I guess that can or will change that. Wish I could but I can't. Thats that for now I guess. Ttyl
